[] I don't want my husband to feel extra stress about my problems (e.g. work problems, health problems, money problems), so I won't tell him about them

[] I won't tell my husband anything that might hurt his feelings

[] I won't repeat gossip

[] I expect to be able to keep a friend or family member's secrets or confidences

[] I don't want privacy; I want to tell my husband everything and I expect him to do the same with me

Chapter 5 - Anger

If you found out you were in the wrong in an argument, what would you do?

[] I'd apologize and try not to do it again

[] I'd give my wife a gift (e.g. flowers), but I wouldn't apologize

[] I'd pretend the argument didn't happen

[] I'd continue to deny that I did anything wrong and blame my wife

[] I'd initiate sex

[] other _____________________________________________________

Chapter 6 - Children

How would you feel about having your child sleep with you and your husband?

[] no way; I want my privacy and my husband belongs with me

[] children need to be taught that there are some things that they can't join in and our sleeping arrangement is one of those things

[] it would be okay if it were only for a little while (e.g. if the child is sick or has a nightmare)

[] I would agree to it only when the child is small (e.g. 4 years old or younger)

[] I'd be okay with it if the child slept in our room, but not in our bed

[] I'd enjoy having our child sleep with us

[] I don't know how I'd feel

Chapter 7 - Money

Will you agree to a certain amount of money that can be discretionary (i.e. your wife does not have to consult you about a purchase under this amount of money)?

[] yes

[] yes, she will have an allowance to spend, but she cannot exceed it

[] yes, we'll each have an allowance to spend as we see fit

[] no, we can spend as much as we want without consulting each other

Chapter 8 - Careers

If something should happen where your wife's career really takes off and she earns a lot more money than you, how would you feel?

[] happy that my wife is successful

[] relieved that I'm not primarily responsible for earning money for our household

[] relieved that I won't have to work so hard

[] resentful

[] inadequate

[] angry

[] I wouldn't be able to handle it

Chapter 9 - Family and In-Laws

When you parents get older, and require constant care, do you plan to have them live with you, if necessary?

[] yes

[] possibly, if there were no other alternatives

[] no, my husband wouldn't be able to deal with it

[] no, I wouldn't be able to deal with it

[] I don't know

Chapter 10 - Backgrounds

If you are not from the same ethnic/cultural background, how will you handle different customs?

[] I'll expect my husband to adopt my customs

[] I will adopt his customs

[] we will celebrate both traditions when possible

[] when two customs collide, we will alternate between mine and my husband's

[] we will adopt the customs of the country in which we live

[] we will not participate in any way in the other's customs

Chapter 11 - Religion

How important is your faith (your particular beliefs) to you?

[] extremely

[] very

[] somewhat

[] not very

[] not at all

Chapter 12 - Values

Under what circumstances do you think it is okay to take something that doesn't belong to you?

[] under no circumstances

[] if someone left something at my house and forgot to get it, I'd keep it

[] I might take supplies from my employer (i.e. reasoning that they don't pay me enough anyway so I'm just taking what's rightfully mine)

[] I like to keep hotel towels or other items as souvenirs

[] I might take something in response to a dare

[] I do it to get a thrill

[] I might steal to put food on my family's table

[] other ____________________________________________________

Chapter 13 - Physical Appearance

If you were to go bald, would it affect your perception of yourself as attractive?

[] yes, women don't like bald men

[] maybe

[] probably not

[] definitely not; bald men are "hot"

Chapter 14 - In Sickness and In Health

If you got sick for an extended period of time (e.g. several months) with a serious illness (e.g. Postpartum Depression, recovery from surgery of some kind), how would you like your husband to treat you?

[] he should treat me exactly the same as before

[] I'd like him to leave me alone

[] he should care, but not say much

[] I'd like him to listen to me vent my frustrations and anxiety, and he should sympathize

[] he should spoil me, trying to meet my every need and desire

[] if special care was needed (e.g. following surgery), I'd expect him to do whatever he had to do to help me

[] I'd expect him to hire suitable help (e.g. a maid, a nurse) until I'm better

[] I'd like him to call in a family member to help

Chapter 15 - Divorce and Re-Marriage

Do you believe that divorce is ever right?

[] yes

[] yes, if one or both partners fall out of love

[] yes, if there is a lot of tension in the marriage

[] yes, if one partner or children are being physically abused

[] yes, if one partner or children are being emotionally abused

[] yes, if one partner is unfaithful sexually

[] only after marriage counseling has been tried

[] only as a last resort

[] I'm not sure

[] not for me

[] never

[] I wouldn't presume to judge

Chapter 16 - Friends

If your wife wanted to go out alone with a male friend, how would you respond to the idea?

[] I would trust her and let her go with no objections

[] I would let her go, but let her know how I feel about it

[] I would object, but I'd let her decide whether to go or not

[] I would secretly follow them to make sure nothing inappropriate happens

[] I would come up with any excuse I could think of to interrupt their time together

[] I would be extremely jealous and tell her, if she loves me, she wouldn't go

[] I would tell her not to go (I'd forbid it)

[] my reaction would depend on where they were going and what they'd be doing

Chapter 17 - Grief

How would you like your husband to respond when you are experiencing grief?

[] I'd want him to leave me alone

[] I'd want him to put up with my bad mood, but otherwise not worry about it

[] I'd like his constant attention

[] I'd like him to listen to me express my grief and let me cry on his shoulder

[] I'd like frequent physical expressions of comfort, such as a hug

[] I'd want him to be patient

[] I'd like him to take over some of my chores so my overall load is lightened

[] other _____________________________________________________

Chapter 18 - Previous Romances

If you want to know about a previous relationship, how much detail do you want?

[] I want to know her name and how long they were involved

[] I want to know what she looked like

[] I want to know how serious the relationship got

[] I want to know whether they slept together

[] I want to know who broke up with whom and why

[] I want to know how I compare to her

[] I want to be reassured that I am better for my fiancé than she was

[] not much; I'd rather just get a general idea of what girlfriends were in his past without any details

[] I don't want to know

Contact Us

About the Authors

Resources-Links